Someone requested for me to post more Life Hacks (hello there, Je! 😛) and I’ve been meaning to do this post with my boyfriend, Kerker. So in the true spirit of love month we’ve decided to answer tough relationship questions! 🥰
Just a quick introduction (aka in case you folks don’t know yet): Kerker and I have been dating for more than 4 years now. We met through *drumroll* Tinder(!) and we both enjoy a good movie or TV show, sharing random stuff on the internet, and we both love our cat Mingming. 😍
I randomly selected questions from this Thought Catalog article and we both answered them. Enjoy! 🤗🤗🤗
How do you know when you love someone?
Kerker: Borrowing what Marshall from HIMYM said, “Being in a relationship is hard. And committing, making sacrifices it’s hard. But if it’s the right person, it’s easy. Looking at that girl, and knowing she’s all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it’s not like that then she’s not the one.”
You know you love someone when you don’t find it hard to see past their faults, petty fights are petty and huge fights become petty as well because it’s easy for you to forgive, and favors and acts of services become natural.
Vanya: You know you love someone when you get past the physical attraction and the little things. You learn to love every little detail about the person: every quirks, idiosyncrasies, things that may annoy you but you get to laugh about it in the end anyway. You know when you love someone when you are ready to open up yourself and give everything that you got.
Which do you agree with? Love should always feel comfortable, or love should always feel new and exciting?
Kerker: Both, because love explores both. When the relationship is new, everything feels exciting. You explore things together and get to know each other more.
And as the relationship matures, you find comfort with each other. Your partner becomes your home, the one you seek on a long tiring day and the one you just want to snuggle with on cold nights.
Vanya: Love should always have a good mix of comfort and excitement. Kerker and I have been together for more than 4 years now and we can literally fart in front of each other (no kidding!) and it doesn’t bother us at all. Ha! But seriously, I can’t imagine going through the dating process again. Maybe because I’m done and over it plus the fact that I am such a huge introvert. I really enjoy the comfort that I have with Kerker now and the perks of being comfortable with someone is that you can add in excitement to whatever you do: going on new adventures, trying out new things, and so much more.
What do you think is the most important factor of keeping love alive in a relationship?
Kerker: It will be the friendship, when your partner is your best friend. Because the flame or the passion may flicker as time goes by, but the friendship would keep the love alive. A love built on friendship is more stable than a relationship built on passion.
Because the latter will always crave something to fuel that passion, a world where everything revolves around the relationship. But if the foundation is friendship, then you can still be yourselves and have your own thing, but still be intimate and connected to each other. As a song lyric goes, “I can live without you, I just don’t want to”
Vanya: Staying true to yourself and your partner is what I see an important factor of keeping love alive in a relationship. I learned long time ago that it only takes one person to make the relationship work and that is you. Sure, love is a two-way street but if one side of the end truly makes it work, then it will be all worth it.
When you stay true to your relationship the rest will just follow: commitment, friendship, and sacrifices will be all easy. Since Kerker quoted a song in his answer (LOL), I’m gonna quote Maroon 5 in here: “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, it’s compromise that moves us along”
(Side note: I remember Kerker sending me a note in our early dating years quoting the rainbows and butterflies lyric. HAHAHA.)
What do you think is the most important part of a romantic relationship?
Kerker: In terms of romance, it’s knowing how you and your partner expresses and receives their preferred love language. Whether it would be physical intimacy, connecting on a deeper level, or simply being there, it is important that a relationship should always have open lines of communication. Because people change. There may be time that you crave physical intimacy, there may come a time that you’d rather just have someone listen and give you full attention.
Vanya: Not just in the aspect of romantic relationship but I believe that time is the most special gift that you can give to someone. I’ve seen from the others that relationship come and go because time was the utmost concern. Time is equivalent to how you value the person.
Do you believe vulnerability is a good thing when it comes to love?
Kerker: Yes, you can be honest and open to your partner without feeling vulnerable.
Loving means tearing down walls and opening your heart to someone and letting them look into your soul. It means showing your baggages and trusting the other person to show them yours, and help each other carry them.
Vanya: Definitely yes! As what Brene Brown said, vulnerability is courage; and being in love takes courage. The love you give in a relationship commensurates to your openness and trust. I absolutely agree that love is being able to show your real self regardless what the outcome is you know that you’ve been true to your feelings.
Hope you enjoy this post! Let me know if you want another Q&A from us. And from our hearts to yours, happy Valentine’s day! xoxo